


Gods Only Know

by Kairyn



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Asgard (Marvel), Asgardians Are Aliens, Avengers in Asgard, But also totally is, Emotions, Everything is a mess, Gen, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, Loki (Marvel) is Not Amused, Loki is Chaotic Neutral, Loki is Unrepentant, Loss of Trust, Neither Team is Fully Right, Not Thor: Ragnarok (2017) Compliant, Not Thor: The Dark World Compliant, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Ragnarok villan was not Hela, Sokovia Accords, Tags Are in Here Willy Nilly, Trust Issues, nothing is simple, relationships might be added - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2019-09-22 14:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17061122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kairyn/pseuds/Kairyn
Summary: To escape tension on Earth, T'Challa ships the exvengers off to Asgard to stay with Thor instead. Needless to say they were not quite prepared for their reception. Every God there treats them as little children that have done something very disappointing and what was almost worse was Loki's taunting about the frankly still very painful situation. All of this is made just infinitely worse when Tony finally shows up... not for them but to discuss Accords things with Thor and Odin.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooo, yeah.... this is about the fifth story I should so not be starting because I already have too much going on. But when the Caerbannog Plot Bunny rears it's furry little head you better duck. The set up is really what caught me here. And as such... not really sure where this one is going. Therefore... twists may occur and no idea where it will end. Call it a journey if you will. Also, lots of gratuitous Loki because I am trash.

Steve could tell just by the look on T'Challa's face that, whatever this meeting was about, he wasn't about to like it. Everyone was in this meeting except, of course, for Bucky who was in cryostasis as the Wakandan doctors finished their initial diagnostics on how to help him. He listened as patiently and politely as he could while the King of Wakanda explained that the tension surrounding the refugee ex-Avengers had grown too large for Wakanda to deal with. "This has ever been a temporary solution, Rogers, as I made clear when I allowed you and your fellows to seek asylum here in Wakanda," T'Challa said his chin held parallel to the ground and shoulders straight as a rod. Steve found it odd that T'Challa hadn't once called him 'captain' since they returned to Wakanda but hadn't yet dared question why the King no longer used the title. "Though I will allow your friend to remain here to help him with his medical and mental issues, I am afraid that my people's safety is my primary concern, and there has been discussion in the UN of late that would force my hand in turning you and the other once-Avengers over to other government bodies."

"Can't you just say no? You have so far," Wanda asked.

King T'Challa spared Scarlet Witch a brief glance. "To be entirely honest with you, Miss Maximoff... you, in particular, unsettle many of my people and they have been demanding your removal from our borders since Rogers first brought you back."

"Me?" Wanda echoed. "I haven't done anything but stay here in the palace, though." _Like you ordered,_ was left hanging in the air unsaid.

T'Challa nodded. "Yes, you have done as I asked," he allowed. "But you did still cause the death of Wakanda citizens before the UN meetings... it is what _prompted_ the UN meetings," T'Challa pointed out.

"That was an accident!" Steve argued.

"Accident or not, many still blame her," T'Challa said with a slight edge that Steve had recognized from their first few meetings of the King wearing low on patience. "Do you not blame the drunk driver that kills another due to his recklessness?"

"That isn't the same thing..." Steve said. A drunk driver wasn't trying to _help_ people. They were just being selfish and irresponsible.

T'Challa looked as if he wanted to argue but then shook his head. "Either way, I will continue to have my people treat Sergeant Barnes... that I feel is the most humane thing to do. You and your other fellows, however, I must insist, leave Wakanda."

"So where are we supposed to go?" Clint asked where he was leaning his chair back on only two legs and moving his fingers as if he wanted to fiddle with something. "Just kicking us out so that we're forced to be on the run for however long it takes?"

"I cannot help that you are considered criminals by your own actions," T'Challa said. "I personally have already had to make many diplomatic concessions and restitution for my own actions while chasing Barnes, so you will find little sympathy from me. You were not even initially involved in any of this, Mr. Barton. If I understand correctly, you were retired."

Clint's face turned a strange shade of reddish purple, and his chair clomped down onto all four feet again. "Now wait just a sec-"

"Clint," Steve interrupted. Clint looked over in exasperation and then huffed when Steve shook his head. Steve glanced at the others. Wanda looked like she was fighting between the urge to curl in on herself and straighten up taller. Sam had his arms folded across his chest but was otherwise unreadable. Natasha was likewise impossible to for Steve to read where she was sitting by Clint. Scott Lang looked quite openly dejected and was staring at the table in front of them. Steve looked back at T'Challa. "He does bring up a good point, though... we have no place else to go." It burned Steve to admit that, but until things cooled off even the Compound wasn't a safe place for them.

"And that is why I am bringing this up to you now and not a week ago when it was first decided," T'Challa said.

"What's changed between now and a week ago?" Scott asked.

T'Challa frowned. "Have you not been watching the news?" he asked. "I have not restricted your information flow."

Steve felt heat building in his cheeks. He had been far too worried about Bucky to worry about the news. "Stark is all over the news," Wanda grumbled.

"Well, yes, he would be," T'Challa said, making it clear by his tone alone how blatantly obvious he found that. "He is the name behind one of the largest Companies in the world, a recognized hero, and involved in many extremely influential political bills that will affect the whole world. Why would you expect him to not be on the news?" There was a long moment of silence while nobody had an answer for the King. T'Challa sighed, "Despite personal feelings, you would be remiss to not pay attention to what a man involved in deciding your future and the future of the world has to say."

"It's just... difficult," Sam muttered. "There's a lot of baggage there."

"Baggage is for airports, Mr. Wilson. Not politics," T'Challa said. "If you think I do not have 'baggage' related to all of you even being here, you would be very much mistaken. But I was doing what I thought most... fair considering the circumstances I helped to cause. Now, I must look to the safety of my people and do what is right by them. 'Baggage' does not enter into any of that."

"You still didn't say what's changed between now and a week ago," Scott said, and Steve was grateful. The once Sheild-wielding Avenger didn't think that the previous topic could lead anywhere good.

"Thor's back," Natasha said. All eyes went straight to Natasha.

"What?" Steve asked. "Why didn't you tell me that?"

Natasha's eyebrow went up. "He has been plastered on every news outlet known to man, Steve. I didn't think I needed to," she said.

"I bet Tony tried to turn Thor against us," Clint muttered.

"It is more complicated than that, as most things are," T'Challa said. "Thor has issues with the Accords and their mandatory registration... as do many. He has not signed them as of yet and is in talks with many UN councils about what changes would need to be made for him to be satisfied... or, I suppose more accurately, his father to be satisfied. Thor is currently acting as emissary between Earth and Asgard."

"Soo, what does this mean?" Scott asked.

"I have spoken with Thor about your situation. After speaking with the King of Asgard, you all have been granted temporary asylum there, instead of Wakanda," T'Challa said. "You will be collected by Thor tomorrow."

"We get to go to Asgard?" Clint asked. "Man, Tony will be mad as hell he missed that."

T'Challa raised an eyebrow, and the half-smile on Clint's face fell. "You do not 'get' to go anywhere, Mr. Barton. I had to explain to Thor in great detail what Political Asylum even _was._ The closest he could seem to discern was that it was similar to prison for important figures. He likened it to what has befallen his brother."

Clint's face twisted up immediately. "He's comparing us to Loki!?"

"Merely the fact that you will be forced to stay in Asgard for an unknown amount of time but that you should be made comfortable and not treated like common criminals," T'Challa said.

"Loki is a common criminal!" Clint hissed.

T'Challa snorted. "He is a Prince of another planet that does not even recognize Earth by its name... he is hardly a 'common' criminal. And that is a matter you can take up with Thor when he arrives to take you to Asgard tomorrow."

"Is this really the only option?" Steve asked while Clint fumed.

"Yes, Mr. Rogers. It is," T'Challa said. Steve felt something in his chest drop. Being kicked off of the planet had not even remotely entered into his mind as a possibility. Though it would be nice to see Thor and find out more about where he was from... Steve really didn't want to be stuck there. It felt like running, and Steve had always hated running away.


	2. Chapter 2

"My friends!" Thor's voice was just as loud and cheerful as it ever was and Steve couldn't help but smile as he and the others cross the large meeting room to go to their blonde teammate where he was standing beside the full wall of windows displaying the Wakandan city below. "It is good to see you all again, despite current circumstances," Thor said as he descended a few short steps to wrap three of them -Steve, Natasha, and Scott- into one of his massive hugs. Halfway through Thor seemed to realize who he had grabbed and frowned at Scott just slightly. "I do not believe we have met."

"Ugh... no, not yet..." Scott managed to say as he squirmed. "Name's Scott..."

"And I am Thor, God of Thunder," Thor introduced with pride. "First Prince of Asgard."

"Thor, you can let us go now," Natasha said with a pat against the Thunderer's bare bicep.

"Ah! My apologies," Thor said and immediately released his grip on them to step back.

"What happened to your eye, big fella?" Natasha asked.

Thor put a hand up to the metal plate covering his one eye, "Ah." Thor looked somewhat uncomfortable before shrugging. "A battle, naturally. I will be getting a replacement shortly, never fear. Eyes are simply delicate things that must be carefully constructed so that they work properly. Of course, I could simply bypass the replacement. Tis not life-threatening and such wounds can be seen as quite heroic and noble in Asgard... but I have found that it is quite alright to not be my father and instead myself."

"A battle? That why you went MIA for so long?" Sam asked.

"Indeed," Thor said with a nod. "When dealing with royal families sibling disputes and the resulting fates of those thrones take precedence over visiting friends."

Clint snorted. "Loki, huh?"

"Nay, Friend Clint," Thor denied. "Loki is not responsible for my eye. In fact, he was quite helpful, and the dispute was with a different sibling. But enough of my minor injury! King T'Challa has explained to me the situation as it stands. I would, however, like to hear your side of the situation, Captain." Thor looked right at Steve.

Steve was a little caught off guard. He hadn't quite finished processing the news that Thor had _other_ siblings, and then he went and changed subjects like that. Steve had a small case of mental whiplash. "Uh, well, basically, I don't think that the Avengers should be the toy of any government. Governments can go bad. The Avengers were made to stop threats, and we can't do that if we're bogged down by bureaucracy and corruption."

"They wanted to make us the personal attack dogs of the UN, and I wasn't okay with that," Steve continued. "If we have to stand around with our hands tied waiting for men and women that have never been in a battle to decide if we can step up, lots of innocent people could be at risk. We're better off autonomous."

Thor hummed in thought and nodded just slightly. "I see your concern. Perhaps it is simply that I am not from this planet, but I cannot see your fears of being rendered ineffective as being particularly likely, though. Then again, I am a prince and am free to do what I wish in most any situation... so I may also not be able to imagine it. I have found lately that I have quite a lacking when it comes to such things. I am trying to improve that, however."

"The whole thing was a mess," Steve said with a sigh. "And still is."

"Yes, it does seem to be," Thor said. "But, you shall be safe in Asgard until things are decided," he said as he clapped a hand onto Steve's shoulder. "I have given my Father's latest missives to the United Nations Council, and they will be looking them over, so I am free to return with you to Asgard."

"You mean Odin is actually talking to them about this?" Clint asked. "I would have thought he'd ignore what the UN was doing entirely."

Thor shrugged casually. "We could do so," Thor acknowledged. "But it is really a minor inconvenience to us. If Father does not like the changes made or cannot get them to agree to the ones he wants, then I will simply not be allowed to return in the capacity of protector. That would be difficult for me, but sometimes we must do things that are difficult."

"Also," Thor's voice dropped to a near whisper, and he leaned close to Steve as if telling a secret, "It has been mentioned to me that this would be a good chance to better study diplomacy in action as I have neglected to pay attention to it before my banishment. Considering we risk so little should things not work well, it is a -as Loki put it- Idiot-Proof-Trial." Thor made a slight face and straightened again, "He does not think I will do very well. We have a bet... I intend to win it this time."

"This time?" Natasha echoed.

"Sadly, yes... Loki has won the last five bets we've made... my dignity has suffered many a blow lately," Thor said with a frown. "But all streaks must end! Come now, I have promised King T'Challa that we will vacate his city before noon has passed. It is getting nearer to then."

"So... you might not sign the Accords either?" Sam asked as he shouldered his back.

"It remains to be seen. There are issues with them. But I can see why they might be helpful as well," Thor said as everyone collected their things. Once they all had their bags and personal belongings, Thor gestured for the group to follow him. "My biggest concern, and my father's for that matter, is this list that they wish to make. There is simply no way for such a thing to be kept entirely secure. And if one does not have the intention of entering into battles, I see no need to record their existence either. Then again, if one develops the power to level a city should they lose control... it would be prudent to know of it. It is a complicated issue, and I do not feel entirely qualified to answer it, even with my fifteen hundred years of experience..."

"But you'd be okay with the UN telling the Avengers what to do?" Sam asked. "The only thing you're caught up on is the registration?"

Thor shrugged. "I do not see how it is much different from when the Avengers were under the direction of SHIELD," he said simply. "There did not seem to be a problem then."

"That just proves my point, though," Steve said. "SHIELD was compromised and infiltrated by HYDRA. Who knows what they could have sent us to do that wasn't on the up and up?"

"It is my understanding that SHIELD's own secrecy and isolation from other organizations are part of what led to that situation. I would think that a council decided by many different nations would be harder to infiltrate," Thor mused.

Clint shook his head. "That just means that there are more points that an imposter could use to get onto the council," he told Thor. "And if they get enough snakes in there they'd be able to get control of the majority votes and therefore the Avengers."

"And yet, depending on one person to be right all of the time in every situation does not seem to be a feasible plan either," Thor said. He glanced over at the group following behind him. "You are all, after all, only human."

"At least we aren't corruptible," Steve said firmly.

Thor shrugged and pressed a button on the side of the door to lead the group out onto a flat roof. "Then you need only worry about being all-knowing and infallible. I'm am sure my Father could give you tips," he said with a tone so mild it could easily be read as sarcasm if it weren't for the fact that Thor rarely -if ever- was sarcastic.

T'Challa and several of his best Dora Milaje were standing around the large flat surface. Many benches and tables had been shoved off to the side. Thor grinned widely and went up to T'Challa. "Thank you very much for your hospitality, my friend! I will be certain to keep you apprised of the situation on Asgard and wish you luck with your own endeavors," he said as he clasped T'Challa's forearm.

"You as well," T'Challa said regally. "And if something changes in Sergeant Barnes' condition I will contact you as soon as I can," the King of Wakanda said to both Thor and Steve.

"That's much appreciated, thank you," Steve said.

Thor said something in that Steve recognized vaguely as Wakandan and T'Challa replied. Steve was shocked to hear Thor not speaking English, but T'Challa didn't seem to be surprised at all, and they continued on talking back and forth for a few more moments. Thor laughed and patted T'Challa on the shoulder. "We shall take our leave then," he said with a note of finality. "I would advise you and your Dora Milaje step back. The Bifrost has quite the diameter."

T'Challa nodded and retreated to the edge of the roof or balcony or whatever it technically was. Steve glanced at the others who looked equally bewildered, aside from Natasha who was impossible to read. Steve glanced up at Thor who was pulling his hammer off his belt. "Um, since when do you speak Wakandan, Thor?" Steve asked quietly.

"I speak any language," Thor answered simply. "I have not come across a language on Earth beyond my capabilities. Nonverbal languages are not as easy but given time they too are comprehensible."

How had Steve not known that about Thor? He wondered. Surely such a thing would have come up at some point. Right? Before Steve could ask another question, Thor put his hammer into the air. "Heimdall! Open the Bifrost! Return us to Asgard!"

There was a roar somewhere up above, and the sapphire blue sky split apart as light flooded Steve's vision. Everything was torn away in a swirl of indescribable colors. It felt like he was spinning and yet being stretched and twisted all at once. Had his feet even left the ground? He couldn't tell. And then suddenly it all stopped, and Steve stumbled and fought to not lose his lunch all over gold plated tiles that were suddenly under his feet.

"My friends! Welcome to my home. Welcome to Asgard!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always always always read the fine print on an agreement

Asgard was absolutely mind-blowingly gorgeous. Never in Steve's wildest dreams could he have come up with a place even remotely like Thor's home. Everything gleamed, and flying transports zipped around towering buildings and larger than life statues. People -all of them far too perfect and physically fit from what Steve could tell- looked at them as they were led past but didn't seem to take much interest. Large draft horses pulled carts through streets and yet Steve didn't see a single instance of manure left behind from them and the carts they were pulling seemed a little too sleek and car-like. Steve wondered why, if Asgard had flying vehicles, did they also have horse-drawn carriages. Then again, he reminded himself, even in New York they still used horse-drawn carriages for a recreational type thing. He'd seen them himself. Perhaps that was the reason.

The palace of Asgard, which Thor had proudly introduced with some long name that Steve had no hope of ever saying himself, was a mass of golden turrets and halls and sprawled wide to either side. Thor also told them that they'd be meeting Odin the next day after they'd had time to settle into their accommodations.

Then they went through what felt like endless halls, up stairs, down other stairs, through more halls, up a separate set of stairs, and further until Steve had no idea where in the Palace they actually were. Thor stopped at a massive set of double doors made of a golden colored wood that had a lovely ivory-sculpted maiden on one door and a matching ivory man on the other both of whom were facing each other. Behind the figures was an intricate geometric pattern that was mind-bending and seemed to move the longer that Steve looked at it. Thor pulled a heavy looking golden key from his pocket and unlocked first one door and then the other.

Golden light shimmered across the doors like water rushing away, and Thor opened both wide. "You shall be staying in these halls, my friend. They are the most secure currently. I would advise against attempting to leave these halls without an escort but I shall be arranging some for you shortly, I swear," Thor said as he led them into a long hall. The doors shut behind them with a thud.

The main hall was two stories tall with a massive fireplace at the end with a wooden beam for the mantel that was at least as thick as Steve's own body. Two long tables with benches took up the center of the room, and a smaller table was sitting in front of the fire between two armchairs. A walkway wrapped around the second story of the main hall although Steve couldn't spot any stairs on how to get to the second floor.

A tour was in order, and Thor was only too happy to provide one. Along the main hall were several doors, most of which were locked but some weren't. One room looked to be a kitchen of some sort and another a pantry. A bathroom was on the left side of the hall, and a room full of strange animal bits that Steve assumed were trophies took up a fair portion of the right side of the chamber. Then Thor took them upstairs through a staircase that had been tucked away in its own room right by the bathroom. The second floor was where the bedrooms were although there were two bathrooms among them as well.

Each bedroom was comfortably sized and furnished with double beds, dressers, and a changing area that came with their own sinks. Each room also had a fireplace and at least one window that had a view of something pretty. Steve was pretty sure it was impossible some of the views as they didn't match up to each other by any means, but brushed it off.

The group of them picked out their bedrooms and Thor said that their things would be brought in shortly. "This place is awesome," Clint said as he leaned against the railing to look down on the main hall.

"Yeah, nice guest quarters," Sam agreed.

"Ah, these are not usual guest accommodations, per se," Thor said. He looked somewhat awkward.

"What do you mean?" Natasha asked.

Thor cleared his throat. "Well, my Friends, understand that Odin is all seeing and was aware of what happened on Midgard. I understand you are not malicious, but he does not feel he can allow you to wander free."

"So... we're prisoners here," Sam guessed.

"When you 'advised' us against trying to leave you really mean we wouldn't be able to," Natasha said.

Thor rubbed the back of his head. "Tis only temporary until my father trusts you as I do. But the safety of Asgard is our top concern."

Steve frowned. He didn't like that in the least, and he knew he wasn't the only one. "We're not criminals!" Wanda said.

"Ah, but then you are, aren't you?" a familiar but new voice said.

The group whipped around immediately to see Loki leaning against the wall as casual as you please with his arm crossed and an infuriatingly amused smirk on his face. "You!" Clint made to move, but Sam caught him before he could.

"Me," Loki said, his grin growing wider. He wasn't wearing his armor. In fact, he wasn't even wearing shoes. All he had on was a dark green tunic and black trousers.

"Shouldn't you be locked up somewhere?" Natasha asked.

Loki gestured around him with one hand. "Welcome to my prison," he said.

"What!?"

Thor stepped between them and Loki with both hands raised. He sent his brother a glare. Loki just examined his nails on the hand he had gestured with as if nothing was wrong. Thor sighed and turned to his friends. "For assisting in the saving of Asgard, Loki was allowed to move from the dungeons back here to his halls... with precautions, of course. He is not allowed to leave, and there are magics to ensure it. The strongest spells in Asgard are keeping him confined. I promise you."

"These are Loki's rooms?"

"He's a mass murderer, and he's basically just fuckin' grounded!?"

"And now I have you here with me as roommates," Loki said. He still looked far too cheerful. "Adding insult to injury as it were... although who is getting the larger insult is rather debatable in this case. Odin is quite the bastard isn't he?"

Clint might break his teeth with how hard he was clenching his jaw. Steve was pretty sure it was only Sam and Scott holding onto him that kept the archer from trying to tear Loki apart. "I'm not staying here with him," Clint said pointing accusingly at Loki.

Loki put on the most innocent hurt expression Steve had ever seen. He even put a hand to his chest for a moment before shrugging and dropping the act. "Well, you could always stay in the dungeon then," Loki said. "I mean... it's far less comfortable, and you'll get not shred of privacy, but by all means... don't take my far too generous offer to put you up. I care not."

"Clint," Steve said. Clint glared but settled at least enough so that Sam and Scott weren't actively holding onto him anymore. Steve turned to Thor. "Can't we have any other rooms, Thor?"

Thor sighed. "Once my father is sure of your intentions then you will be allowed into normal guest quarters."

"We're not going to cause trouble," Steve said.

Loki snorted. "That's a bold statement considering why you're even here."

"Shut up, psycho! You have no idea what happened on Earth," Clint said.

"I am not psychotic," Loki said. "And I know enough of what happened on Midgard to know that none of you really have room to claim the moral high ground with me."

"We didn't try to take over a planet," Natasha said.

Loki hummed. "No, you merely got innocent people killed, disregarded the sovereignty of a place that you were not from multiple times, caused a breathtaking amount of damage to the infrastructure of that place and another resulting in more death and injury, decided to not take a peaceful resolution to a problem, and stabbed your shield brother in the back. Ironically enough with your own shield. Yes... I see the difference. I didn't use any shields."

"Loki, you are not helping," Thor said.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I didn't care to be helpful," Loki said.

"None of that is the same thing," Steve said. The quip about his shield hurt but Steve refused to show it. He'd had to do that. Tony was attacking Bucky!

Loki scoffed. "Yes, I'm sure you tell yourself that. For anything else would destroy your carefully constructed story of you being the infallible hero," Loki said.

"Loki, if you do not stop I shall have to mention this to Lady Beaivi," Thor said.

Loki made a face. "Oh, very well, but really, you do them no favors, Thor," Loki said as he turned on his bare heel and started towards the end of the hall. "Do try not to cause too much of a racket."

The group watched as he went through an arch that Steve at least hadn't noticed before. "Loki's tower is that way," Thor informed them. "I would suggest none of you venture there."

Clint turned on Thor then. "How can you honestly expect us to be here with him?"

Thor scowled. "Friend Clint, it is as Loki said. Either you are here, or you are in the dungeons until your intent is trusted by my father. I haven't the authority to change this. I would prefer not locking you away in a cell, and so I asked Loki to allow you to stay here. He is being quite generous allowing it."

Natasha hummed thoughtfully. "Yes, I'm sure he's got some plan for this," she said. She looked at the archway that Loki had disappeared through. "But generosity isn't something I'd count on."

"Friends, believe me, I know it is far from ideal, but Loki is much improved of late with regular meetings with Lady Beaivi," Thor said.

"We have no idea who that is," Sam pointed out.

"She is..." Thor seemed to have to search for the word. He gave up though and sighed. "She is a healer of the mind. Improvement for my brother is slow, but it is noticeable."

"Therapy," Scott supplied. "You put Loki in therapy."

Thor blinked as if the word was entirely bizarre. "I... suppose you could use such a term. Would you have preferred us to not attempt to heal him?"

"I'd prefer him dead," Clint grumbled.

Thor sighed and shook his head. "I understand your bitterness, but I promise it will not be for too long and Loki will no doubt not interact with you much."

"How can you be so sure?" Scott asked. "I mean, he seemed to not mind 'interacting' just now."

"Because he does not find much amusement with mortals," Thor said. "I doubt you will be interesting enough to keep his attention."

Steve frowned at that. Was it a... compliment? It didn't sound like one. But then again, Loki was the one with the superiority complex so most likely it was a reflection on the would-be King rather than the humans.

"Ah, I must warn you, however," Thor said. He turned directly to Wanda. "Do _not_ attempt your magic on my brother. Loki is unstable enough as it is, and any interference with his mind -assuming you are even powerful enough to do it- will have unpredictable and most likely homicidal results. Do. Not. Test. Him."

Wanda bristled. "What do you mean assuming I am powerful enough?"

"Loki is a God. And one well versed in magic, unlike myself," Thor said. "If you think he is unfamiliar with attacks against his mental state, you would be sorely mistaken. Attack him thus, and he will be well within his rights -limited as they are currently- to defend himself. I doubt you will enjoy the results."

Steve could see Wanda's temper building and quickly moved to intercept. "If Loki stays away from us then there won't be any chance of something like that happening," Steve pointed out.

"As I said, it is unlikely he will be interested in you at all," Thor said. "But these are his halls... he can go where he wishes in them. Now, I will go and arrange for you some escorts so that you can be taken outside of the halls after tomorrow's meeting with my father. So, I shall take my leave."

"Seriously? You're just going to leave us here?" Sam asked.

Thor paused and turned to Sam. Thor was clearly annoyed now. "I have laid before you two options. If you would rather the dungeon... by all means tell me now," he said. "It will take but a moment to escort you there since nothing needs be prepared."

"No," Natasha said. "We're fine here. Thank you, Thor. I'm sure we'll manage."

Thor eyed them all before nodding and heading down the stairs. The group of them could only watch as he crossed the long main hall to the door. With a swish of his red cape, he was gone, and the doors thudded shut again. Only this time they seemed louder and far more unpleasant than they had the first time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist adding in one of my favorite characters...

Living with Loki was _immediately_ a challenge. But not, strangely enough, for any reason that the ex-Avengers had expected. No, the very first challenge came in the tiny ball of fluff that came tearing through the halls at one in the morning barking up a storm and pouncing on something to very loudly maul. Steve had gotten up at the barking and poked his head out of the door to see a small grey dog with a heavily spiked collar tearing into, of all things, a Goofy stuffed animal. Stuffing was flying everywhere as the dog (it had to be some sort of mutt although what it actually was Steve had no idea) shook the toy back and forth until the poor cartoon's head went flying off. 

"What the hell?"

Steve looked over to the room on the far side of the upper walkway to see Clint there in pajama bottoms but his bow strung and ready. The shaggy grey dog looked up -still with stuffing hanging from it's jaw- and growled at the archer. It had glowing red eyes and Steve was even more worried this thing wasn't a normal dog. The dog jumped up onto the railing with it's eyes locked onto Clint.

"You are intruding on my home," the dog growled. Steve had to do a double take because, well, the voice was definitely strange -gravely and dark- but the only one around was the dog. Dogs didn't usually talk but Steve had no idea where else the voice might be coming from. "I am Deathripper! I shall use your skull for a water bowl!"

"Thori," Loki's voice interrupted. The dog, Deathripper apparently, looked over his shoulder with another growl.

Loki was coming down the walkway towards the dog. He easily stepped over the remains of the mauled toy. "You have enough water bowls, you needn't kill yourself another," Loki said as he reached out to pick up the dog from the railing it was standing on.

The dog whined and squirmed. "My name is not Thori!"

"It is," Loki replied easily as he ignored the little dog now trying to bite his chin while squirming all over. "And I told you not to come down here."

"You can't tell me what to do!" the dog barked. 

By this point the others had appeared to see what was happening but Loki didn't seem concerned. He pet the dog's head, deftly avoiding the sharp teeth that tried to bite him as he did it. "This is Thori," Loki said, not to any one of them in particular. "He's a rascally thing. Just distract him with a stuffed animal if he comes after you... and do not wear flammable clothing if you can help it."

"I will rend them limb from limb and bury their entrails in the garden!" Thori declared as he almost managed to twist his body out of Loki's hands.

"No, you will not," Loki said. "Because you're not allowed in the garden anymore after you decided to redecorate it with the corpses of rabbits and squirrels. It attracted scavengers for weeks."

Thori stopped squirming with a huff. "It looked better that way. Dead things help other things grow," he said. 

Steve blinked but swore he saw smoke rising from the little dog's lifted lip. "Like you care about growing things," Loki said. "You are only using that as an excuse because you heard me say it. Also, you burned down the imported Alfheim silver elm."

"Ugly tree," Thori said.

"Not the point," Loki said as he started back for his rooms with the ill-tempered dog under one arm. "There were other things you could have done besides burning it to tinder."

Thori grumbled something but Steve couldn't make it out as Loki disappeared through the arch that led to his 'tower' as Thor had put it and left his sight. There was a long moment of silence as the Ex-Vengers stared. Occasionally they heard another low growl or a bark but nothing else. "... I guess Loki has a dog," Sam finally said.

"If you can call that thing a dog," Scott said with wide eyes. "Did you see that thing? It's eyes were glowing... looking into my soul or something..."

"Don't be dramatic," Natasha said. 

"Loki told us to not wear flammable clothing," Scott said. "And that the thing burned down a tree!"

Clint snorted and finally lowered his bow. "He was probably lying. This is Loki we're talking about."

"Why would he lie about that?" Scott asked.

"To mess with us."

"Alright, alright," Steve said before things could break down into an actual argument. "It's late and we should all be resting." With a few more complaints from Scott about Loki's unsettling dog, the group of exiled heroes went back to bed. Steve did take the precaution of arranging a chair under his door knob although what he really expected that to do, he wasn't sure.

The late night interruption was followed by an early morning interruption. "Lackey! Lackey, get up! I need to talk to you!"

"Go away!" Loki shouted back at whoever was shouting first.

Steve groaned into his pillow. He might be an early bird but after being woken up the night before he would like to sleep in at least a little bit. "Don't you tell me to go away! You're the only one who can understand this gibberish so get your scrawny arse down here!"

"It is not gibberish! And I happen to be busy!"

Thori the dog was barking ferociously at this point and Steve knew he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep so he pushed himself up. "Get this Helhound of yours under control, Loki! Before I punt it back to Hel!"

"I will use your spine for a chew toy, Valkyrie!" Thori snarled.

"Try it and you'll find yourself choking on Dragon Fang instead, mutt!"

"Don't threaten my dog, Val!"

"Then get control of it!"

"You're the one barging into _my_ rooms!"

Steve pulled the chair away from the door and trudged out to figure out what was going on. A very attractive black woman was standing there with her hands on her hips while Thori stood on one long table snarling and barking at her. Steve had to do a double take when he was certain this time he saw smoke curling around the dog's muzzle. Valkyrie -or that was who Steve assumed the woman was- looked unimpressed in her gleaming white armor. 

"You know... for being 'the most secure rooms' a lot of people can apparently come and go from here," Natasha muttered as Valkyrie picked up something white from the floor and tossed it. Thori perked up and dashed off to catch the object before it collided again with the flagstone covered ground. Thori latched on and started wrestling with it as if it were a tennis ball rather than what looked to be an actual human skull. Why was that even in here?!

"Um, hi there," Sam said as he looked down.

The woman looked up and saw them standing there. She stared for a moment. "Lackey! Who're these people again!?" she yelled.

"Thor's friends, I don't know!" Loki shouted back. "You can throw them in Valhalla if you want!"

"Why would I do that?"

"They like being considered heroes!"

Valkyrie hummed and glanced them over again. "They don't look like much!"

"Hey!" Sam protested.

"Lackey! Will you get down here already!?"

"I'm busy working on a very delicate experiment! Come back later!" Loki shouted.

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "Your 'delicate experiment' have anything to do with painting your nails?"

"... no!"

"Lackey!"

"I'm not coming down until you say my real name!"

"I've already called you that once today! Don't push your luck!"

"I always push my luck!" Loki shouted back.

Valkyrie sighed. Thori paused in his playing with the skull to look over at her and -if it weren't for the fact that the dog was chewing on someone's remains- it might have almost been cute. His ears had flopped unevenly across his head and his back paws had snagged the skull's lower jaw to pull it open and Thori's mouth was wide and half on the curved back of the skull. "Loki, get down here before I go into your kitchen and take every bit of booze you have and I will not be replacing it with anything! I'll even take the Verindian brandy if you don't get down here-"

"Why are you shouting?" a politely curious voice asked from in front of the fire.

Steve had to do another double take at Loki suddenly sitting there with his hand splayed in front of his body while his other held a small paintbrush. Loki didn't even look up as he carefully painted his nails a dark color that Steve couldn't pick out due to the distance. Valkyrie huffed. "You're such a brat. I need you to look at the scrolls and finish the translation," she said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Why should I?" Loki asked before lightly blowing on his shiny nails.

"Because you're supposed to be helping me to rebuild the records that were destroyed," Valkyrie said. "Your penance remember?"

Loki hummed and shifted his hand to look at the edges of his fingers. "I remember," he said. "And I told you I will do it when I get a chance."

"Because currently, you're so busy?" Valkyrie asked as she walked across the room. Thori got up and chased the tails of her cloak, nipping at the ends and snarling. Valkyrie ignored the dog and flopped down in the chair across from Loki, putting her feet up into Loki's lap without a care.

"Exceedingly," Loki said while giving the woman a sour look. 

"That color is awfully dark," Valkyrie said.

"It matches my soul," Loki drawled with the same dryness as the Sahara.

Valkyrie snorted. "Diva. In all seriousness though, I need those translations."

Steve looked around and saw that all of his friends were now up and -though they were confused- the strange woman who was resting her feet on Loki, Loki who was still painting his nails of all things, nor the weird dog that was off chewing on a skull again, were paying the humans any attention. "Um... breakfast?" Scott suggested uneasily.

There was an uncomfortable pause between them but the Asgardians didn't seem to be even aware the humans were there. So, awkwardly the group of ex-heroes made their way downstairs and started rummaging around the kitchen. 

Yet another problem quickly showed up as they started looking for something to make for breakfast. Some of the things in the cabinets were just plain _weird_ and quite a large number of containers weren't even labeled. Steve wasn't feeling particularly daring and he certainly didn't want to ask Loki what was in his pantry so they settled for making what seemed to be some sort of oatmeal and eggs. Well, they had been planning on making eggs until Thori jumped onto the stove, ate the only half cooked contents of the pan, and then jumped off again as if nothing was odd about that at all. Clint yelled at the dog but Thori just flipped up his tail and told him to go rot before trotting out of the kitchen without concern.

"That dog..." Sam said shaking his head.

"Does it really surprise you that Loki's dog is a monster too?" Clint grumbled.

"He's not a monster," Loki said. "He's just a puppy."

"He is a monster," Scott muttered

"You all throw that word around so causally. It's lost all meaning," Loki said.

"It has-woah! When did you even get here?!" Sam demanded as he jumped up from where he had been rummaging in a lower cabinet. Loki had still been sitting talking with the Valkyrie lady last any of them looked and they definitely would have noticed him coming in through the door since Natasha was standing right in the middle of it.

Loki grinned from where he was leaning against the wall. "It is my kitchen. And I thought I might warn you not to go into that particular cabinet there," Loki said with a gesture to the one right beside Wanda. "It contains things that are technically edible but would probably kill a human and then _I'd_ get blamed for your stupidity and it'll be a huge thing that I don't want to go through."

"I shouldn't be surprised to know you have a whole cabinet full of poison," Clint muttered.

"I don't," Loki said. "Those are potion ingredients. And very valuable at that so again, don't eat them. Unless, I suppose if you fancy the idea of bleeding to death out of your anus..."

Wanda made a face as she picked up several containers of what they had been able to establish was some sort of preserved fruits. "Monster owner, monster dog. It makes sense," Sam muttered as they trooped out to the main hall to eat.

"Aww. Now that's not very nice," Loki said as he followed. "Next time I won't give you a warning. Let your teeth rot and fall out instead."

"Or your spleen might rupture catastrophically and you'll bleed internally until you collapse," the Loki that was still sitting under Valkyrie's feet on the chair by the fireplace said. 

Steve stopped and looked back. The Loki that had followed them from the kitchen smiled and then disappeared in a flash of green. "I thought you weren't able to use your magic!"

"I can't use my magic to escape, no," Loki said as he carefully slid the paintbrush down his left index finger nail. "But being contained is not the same as being rendered inert. Any scientist will tell you that."

"He can't do much more than tricks," Valkyrie said. "Besides, he'll go back to the dungeons if he breaks his good behavior."

"As you do so love reminding me," Loki drawled.

Before anyone could say anything else the door burst open and Thor came into the hall cheerfully. "Brother, my friends! And Val too! Good morning! How was your first night together! Uneventful I hope!"

"We were woken up by a dog destroying a Goofy doll," Sam said.

"How did he even get one of those come to think of it?" Scott asked.

"Ah, Thori, yes, I did forget to mention him to you," Thor said. "Apologies, I hope none of you have the allergy to dogs I've heard of."

Said dog came bounding over and latched onto Thor's boot to start trying to eat through it. Thor didn't seem to notice. "Thor... he's trying to rip your leg off," Wanda said while pointing down.

"Oh, he is but playing," Thor dismissed. "He is quite the rambunctious puppy. I have arranged some guides for you all. After breakfast they can take you on a more complete tour of the city or palace if you wish. I'm sure that you will enjoy seeing the sights of my home."

"Thor, take your namesake for a walk, would you?" Loki asked.

"I don't need a walk!" Thori snarled from where he had the toe of Thor's boot deep in his jaws.

"You do," Loki said without looking up.

Thor chuckled and reached down to pick the dog up easily. "Come, little Helhound. I will take you to the butcher and find you some scraps for a treat." Thori's ears flicked forward in immediate interest.

"Can I have a heart? Or entrails?"

"One or the other," Loki said. "Not both."

"I want both!" Thori complained as he squirmed.

"We shall see what they have at the butcher," Thor said while scratching under the dog's spiked collar.

"Don't let him set anything on fire this time, Thor," Valkyrie said. "The fire brigade is enjoying a day without blazes to put out, I think."


	5. Chapter 5

Odin did not look in the least bit impressed with them. Well, Steve supposed he should probably have expected that what with them being prisoners in Loki's rooms and all that. The cold distance on the old man's partially hidden face was like some ancient statue that Steve saw in all the fanciest museums. He was every bit as regal and poised as those marble figures except golden. And goodness gracious was he wearing a lot of gold. Steve had always thought that _Loki_ wore a lot of it, but he was very wrong. Well, Loki did still wear a decent amount but Asgard's King had a golden _eyepatch_ , which, while Steve certainly wasn't an expert, wasn't what he would have been the material he'd think was best for covering a head wound with.

Thor introduced them all one by one with sweeping gestures, flowery words, and their full names. Steve hadn't even known Thor _knew_ all their full names. But he apparently did. Even Natasha seemed surprised at Thor's knowledge, or maybe it was how naturally Thor pronounced the Russian.

There was a silence in the hall after Thor announced them, interrupted only by Thori growling behind Thor's cape. The little dog had seemed to very much be in a worsening mood but he wasn't verbalizing any threats at the moment.

"While you are in Asgard," Odin began in a loud strong voice, "I expect you all to hold yourself to as close to our standards as is possible. I know as mortals that is asking an impossible task but do try your best. Prince Thor speaks quite highly of you. It would be most disappointing to find he was so gravely mistaken in his judgment."

"Your majesty," Steve said. He would have stepped forward but Thor caught him before he could fully step into it. Okay then. No getting closer. Steve guessed it was too much to hope that Odin hadn't noticed that. "You have my word that we will be on our best behavior. We have no desire to make enemies."

Odin's eyebrow was only just visible as it rose up. "For those with no desire to make enemies you seem to have done so of all of your own world," he said with deceptive mildness. "But I suppose your best behavior is all you can offer... so it shall have to do."

"Your majesty, you needn't fear," Thor said. "The Midgardians are trustworthy."

"I fear nothing," Odin said with a bite. "And you trust the snake even after it has bitten you in the face. Hardly one I would take seriously."

Thor scowled but said nothing. Odin fixed each and every one of them with an icy blue one-eyed stare. "You will be expected to remain respectful while here in Asgard. You're not permitted to wander without guards until I am satisfied that your impulse control is up to appropriate Asgardian standards-"

Clint snorted loudly and Steve cringed. Steven even thought he heard Thor stifle a groan. "Is there something funny about that, Hawk?" Odin asked. Clint flinched at the name that Loki called him. Thor had stopped calling Clint that when asked after New York but apparently shortening his codename to Hawk was just a natural thing to do in Asgard.

"Just... kind funny that the father of _Loki_ king of temper tantrums is telling us about how high your standards for impulse control is," Clint said, ignoring Thor's subtle hand signs to stop.

Odin didn't look nearly as amused. "He only attacked your world," Odin said. "That shows remarkable restraint in my eyes."

"Restraint!?"

"Do not raise your voice to me mortal," Odin said coldly. "And yes, restraint. He attacked a primitive world we had no official alliance with so there was no risk of involving all of Asgard's armies. Only Thor who for some reason seems to have a fondness for you mortals."

"We are not primitive," Wanda said. Thor sighed heavily and dropped his head. Steve felt bad that they were clearly exasperating their friend so badly.

"You still pollute your world and spend all of your time killing one another over your differences," Odin said. "Seems extremely primitive to me."

Wanda scowled and looked about ready to say something else before Steve put a hand to her shoulder. "We apologize, King Odin. It's just a little difficult to hear that others consider us primitive when we've made so many advances," Steve said in his best diplomatic tone.

Odin smiled in a way that made Steve think of someone that just saw their pet do something stupid but endearing. It made Steve's hackles raise up and he knew he wasn't the only one. "The truth often is difficult to hear," Odin said. "Though do not let it discourage you. Midgard has indeed made many advancements in a short amount of time. There is simply more ways to go. Now. I have other matters to attend to of far greater importance. You may leave. Thor, keep your mortals out of trouble if at all possible."

Thor bowed with his fist over his chest. "Yes, Father. I will do my best." Thori growled something about tearing flesh behind Thor's heels. The group of them were not exactly happy at being so summarily dismissed but they didn't want to hang around either so the let Thor guide them out of the huge throne room without protest.

"Okay, your father's a bit of a dick, Thor. No offense or anything," Scott said.

"Some offense taken," Thor said with a frown. "My father may be brusque but that is because he is King of many realms. That takes much of his patience and energy. And you did speak out of turn several times."

"He insulted us!"

"He hardly did that," Thor said as he bent down to pick up Thori who decided to start chewing on Thor's bracers the second they were in range. "If he wanted to insult you he could have said far worse." 

"I'm sure it's just culture clash," Sam said before anyone else in the group of ex-Avengers could protest again. "We're not used to dealing with people who have absolute power like Kings. There aren't many of those left on Earth."

Thor looked carefully between them all. "Mm, well, keep in mind that this _is_ Asgard and while you may not like it you must abide our rules. I do not like all the rules Midgard imposes on me but I still try to follow them," Thor said. "The only ones normally free to speak back to my father are those of us in the family and even then that does not always come without punishment. You got away quite lucky from that encounter probably due solely to your ignorance of proper court decorum."

"Well, we won't have to talk to your dad often, right?" Natasha asked.

"There shouldn't be much reason for you and Odin to be near each other, no," Thor confirmed. "But you do want to be careful not to insult anyone. Duels for honor are still very valid here."

"Honor duels?" Sam echoed. "Like... ten paces take a pistol and shoot at each other?"

Thor shook his head. "Like take up a sword and try to slice each other in two," he said. "And the average Asgardian is trained at least in how to defend themselves so I would not assume you would have the advantage do to your backgrounds if you end up in a duel."

"So be super polite to everyone. Got it. Great," Scott said.

"We always knew we were here as guests," Steve said. "Being polite was something we were always going to be. Right?" There was a murmur of agreement.

Thor eyed them for a moment before nodding. "Alright. Well, I promised you a tour of the city. Let us go and explore... and Thori was promised butcher scraps," Thor said.

"Yes! I demand my promised vittles!" Thori snarled.

"Calm yourself, Thori," Thor said as he began to walk.

"Deathripper!"

"Yes, yes, of course," Thor said absently.

After a moment of looking at each other, the ex-Avengers followed behind Thor. They tried their best to not pay attention to the fact that four guards decked out in gleaming golden armor with their weapons at their hips were ringing them in as they walked.


End file.
